your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
