At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
