why didn't you poke me back
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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