So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
