think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
