It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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