the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
