You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Vodka?
Forever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize