Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
