I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
