i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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