He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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