He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
