Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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