you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
