i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
