Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
