It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
