Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do vagina's smell?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
