I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
