I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
