hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize