And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
