plz talk dirty to me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Help. Why am I so naked?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
