My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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