I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
