They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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