I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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