How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
