I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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