the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
