They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
