she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
