I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
