Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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