I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
