If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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