um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
