You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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