My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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