Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
