Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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