come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
