i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize