I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
