He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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