riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
