Kiss
Puke
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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