i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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