I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
