i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
