Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
