Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
