i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
