chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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