upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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