And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
