I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
