Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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