i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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