I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
