He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize